Happy Mother's Day to all the mommas out there. The biological mommas, the doggie-mommas, the surrogate-mommas, the teacher-mommas, Scout leaders, piano teachers, aunts, grandmas, sisters, stepmoms...even dads who acted as moms...you know who you are. I thank you for your listening ears, hugging arms, and words of wisdom. For the mommas we're missing...the ones who have passed on or the mommas who're missing children, my thoughts are with you, too.
I spent (yet another) holiday away from my family this year. When you have a budget-destroying job, and live 1500 miles from the town where you lived for 30 years, you don't get to come home as often as you'd like. Since moving to Colorado in July, I've spent Thanksgiving hiking (in snow!) in the mountains, Easter here (outdoors at Clear Creek park and in the Indian hot springs), and Mother's Day in Estes Park/Rocky Mountain National Park. I've missed my brother, my aunt, and my sister's birthdays, which we usually do together. I guess I keep going to Mother Nature...since I can't be with the other folks I love.
This year, though, I was struck by how much love I've gotten from other places on this journey of leaving behind much to find even more. Through facebook, in particular, I've found so much support in the kind words people have posted or messaged to me. I've received cards and care packages from friends, past coworkers, teachers, and family. I've posted words of frustration, and received words of guidance or strength. I've posted words of triumph, and received words of solidarity and kindness. My dear and wonderful friend Allyson (who is a mom to a Thespian-Three-Year-Old), has been tireless in her texts, cards, and care packages.
This year, my dog had a big, expensive surgery, and I posted a lot here and on fb about it. I received so many words "lifting me up," as we say in the Christian tradition-- helping me stay strong, while I've been alone here out West. Words on email, on my blog, on facebook, in cards. I asked for donations for my school's scholarship auction, and I received gifts and items from my acupuncture studio here in Denver, handmade items from my mom and stepmom, and delicious goods from friends, friends' moms, and my aunt. Way to make a girl feel special...telling me with your words and actions...what YOU, Adrienne, do, matters. We support what you support. It brought tears to my eyes, every time a package arrived for the auction.
So, this year, for Mother's Day, I sent my usual people their cards-- the moms in my life. My mom and grandmothers and aunt have been my foundation for years and years. My sister Emily became a mom and this was her first Mother's Day. I've recently found a loving relationship that's helped me to feel joyous and surrounded by love every minute...so I'm happy. But something came to my attention today, that made me feel so terribly anguished.
A friend, named Lucy, who I have known since I started graduate school at Agnes Scott in 2007, has been experiencing a different type of Mother's day with her mom this year. Agnes Scott musicians are often connected with Ga Tech musicians-- I was fortunate to sing with Luchsingers a capella group for several years, even as an Alum. Lucy and her now spouse were members of the Ga Tech marching band in college and also singers. There were many, many happy concerts, parties, and events where I knew Lucy over the past several years.
If you know music people, or you are a musician, or you sang with a group, you might know that musicians play instruments and sing because they have too much emotion in their hearts to be contained. That energy, that chi, has to be released somewhere. Thank God for organized music. We'd all be a mess! Lucy is a music person...and music people...they're good people. Lucy's had a path...which has included being an avid member of Scouting, attending college out of state, and getting married to her true love.
Although, apparently, Lucy's mom's not too happy with the outcome of her daughter's path. Lucy has been bravely vocal via blogs and sometimes fb posts about her journey to happiness, identity, and love. She has posted her research and connections to other people's experiences in relation to transitioning to a new identity. She's in a stable and successful career, has time to travel and enjoy the relationship she has with her spouse. I can't imagine a mother being angry about this, but poor Lucy's mom...she is. Lucy posted about her mom and the vitriol that she spits in the general direction of her own child. It's heart-breaking.
My heart felt heavy, writing with Lucy today, in contrast to how light it's felt...my life feels like it's going in a good direction. I've fought demons of depression and suicidal thoughts for years, and to think of all the tears my mom shed for me for the struggles I have faced, I always knew she wanted me to be happy and well. It wouldn't have mattered what would have brought be happiness-- my mom would have loved me, no matter the path I was taking. It brings tears to my eyes for a mom to not see the wonderful person her daughter is...and that a daughter who's not like she expected, well, that's what all children are.
We come into the world, squirming, screaming, pooping, and are generally very needy. With any luck, over time, we find a way to be strong, loving, happy, and eager to share our light with others. My hope is that for this one momma (and I naiively think that there are very few like her), that she will see her child's light. That it is strong and good. And what more could a momma want, than her child to be an adult...one who's happy and thriving.
So my wishes today are this...that every child can feel the light and warmth of a mother who loves them. Maybe it's not the one who gave birth to them...maybe it's a person who is there along their path with angel wings to encapsulate and protect them. And for dear Lucy to seek the love of the mommas around her who know her path to be right...and to know, that while her momma hasn't come around this year, there's always next year. Mother's Day is a day, to celebrate the love that we dole out and accept year round. Be strong, friends. Hold each other up. Shine.
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