Downsides and Daffodils

I’ve been a little bummed about my life lately. Things just seem to be plodding along and not necessarily going as planned—not that there is a master plan, anyway. There seem to be more downsides than anything to all my past plans, hopes, goals, and dreams. This is a “blah” way to feel.

It’s no secret that physical pain heightens your senses and dulls others. For example, I sometimes have a crick (is that a real word?) in my left shoulder, often from wearing my purse on one side. I have hardly noticed it. Why? Wellllll, I comically fell down the steps in the rain a few days ago.

Yes. It was comical. It’s been monsoon-weather here in the ATL and it was pouring. Like movie-level, garden hose pouring. (Incidentally, I just saw “Beautiful Creatures” and there’s a line where the Girl Witch is having an emotional break down with her Mortal Boyfriend and she commands nature—it’s dumping buckets of rain JUST on him. He, in true Southern gentleman form pleas, “I’m agreein’ with you! Bein’ human is feelin’ bad, and I care about you…Now would you please stop RAININ’ on me?!”) That’s what this rain was. Buckets.

I have about 6 steps from my front porch and a concrete landing. I slid on my heels and hit the right side of my back, below my shoulder blade and above my hip, on every step down. I landed with a thud on my left bum cheek…this is the side where I’ve had problems with sciatica for several years. (Yes, I’m 29, and I have sciatica nerve pain. It’s awesome.)

I actually wish I’d seen this fall—it was probably hilarious to watch. However, turns out that landing on my left side jostled and jolted my left sacroiliac joint, which is generally inflamed (it’s been that way since I was about 10, weird). Due to possibly adrenalin or whatever, I didn’t really feel bad, just more comically embarrassed for about 24 hours. Then my hip started hurting. And my lower back. And my upper back. And my leg would get pins and needles. Then go numb.

I suffered through with some old muscle relaxers at night and ibuprofen during the day. I went to work the next 2 days; sitting in the car puts pressure on my SI joint in a way that was basically misery-inducing. It feels like there is sandpaper neatly wrapped around each bone and part of my joint in my hip…rubbing against any squishy muscle and tissue that are down there. Ouch.

I went to the chiropractor and she said my body is self-correcting and my left leg was about two inches shorter than my right. Hah! Are you kidding? Hey Bones, you’re not a slinky! Stop and do what you’re told! Long story short, it’s been almost a week and I’m a lot better. I do yoga anyway, so those stretches help, but sitting feels worse than walking and standing, by a lot. Sleeping is hard because sometimes I wake up with this stabbing pain, but then again, who needs restful sleep for a body to heal?

Wow, I meant to write less about that, but I just edited in a lot more. Oh well. Another side effect of pain making other parts of your life strangely in-focus, is that I haven’t been able to exercise in the last week (due to torrential rain and pain-in-my-butt).  Running about a mile daily was doing wonders for my mood, self-esteem, waist-line, and general well-being. I missed it terribly! I never thought I’d be one of those people who loved exercise, but I’ll say it. I –love- running. I like the air in my face, my dog on the leash beside me, the feeling of the concrete under my feet.

Speaking of that concrete under my feet, I managed a walk/jog yesterday with my dog and that’s where this post formulated itself in my head. I was walking on a side street in Grant Park which is not particularly kept up. It’s mainly because they are majority rental houses and so there’s not a lot of motivation for landlords or tenants to invest in their groundskeeping. There’s big gorgeous houses a street over, but this one is a little dilapidated.

As the brown, grey, loamy rotting leaves litter the un-mowed winter lawns, there are occasional patches of color. This one in particular caught my eye because it was a happy patch of yellow daffodils in a row of largely untended rental houses. It was so happy and daffodils don’t just come from nowhere! Someone had to have planted those bulbs one fall or winter at some point.

It made me think…I have lived in, decorated, and grown gardens in a half dozen houses since the time I finished Oxford College a decade ago. I plant vegetables, seeds, annuals, perennials, some shrubs, some small seedlings…and do my best to make things grow. When I’ve planned to stay in one place for a while, I’ve planted crocuses, daffodils, hyacinths, lilies, and poinsettias. Crocuses bring the promise of spring and daffodils have shown up in my life at times when I needed a natural, physical reminder of the Creator among us.  I harvest rain water and shower water; I compost and grow fat worms; I fertilize and tend. Gardening is so healing to me…the words of a Mumford and Sons song started ringing in my ears.

(Before you think I’m crazy, it was a particularly serendipitous mix on the ipod and the song “Below My Feet” happened to come on as I was gazing at these little yellow Narcissus flowers. This actually happens to me quite frequently—I credit the radio gods with these nuggets of aural pleasure.)

…Keep the earth below my feet
For all my sweat, my blood runs weak
Let me learn from where I have been
Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn…

Seeing these little tender blossoms waving in the wind on bright green stems, given life at a crappy rental house, from a tenant long since moved on, reminded me that my light and life…even if I’m not actively seeing the result, might be spreading before and behind me. I’m disappointed in the downsides of my life right now, but I have planted bulbs of bright happiness and color in places around Atlanta…and those dark bulbs, planted in cold soil, with roots pushing down, leaves, stems, and petals flourishing upward…might just be nourishing someone’s soul too.

Here’s a clip of Mumford and Sons on SNL… it's a pretty song.

P.S. The lyrics are very poetic and have some poignant Christian overtones to them, if that seems to float your proverbial boat. I recommend to keep the ground below your feet, it’s been a bad week for boats (lookin’ at you Carnival Cruise).