ok, cupid's fish in the sea...whatchoo got?!

I think, since I haven't posted here in over a year (thanks, facebook, your set up makes it easier for me just to post long status-updates than actual entries)...it's okay for me to go a little off-grid and talk about my personal life, instead of my professional one. I also have been reading some humorist blogs where the authors swear quite a bit. I swear ALL THE TIME in real life (but not at church or around old people) and it seems weird to type it. I'm want to give it a go here.

Incidentally, I'm starting a different blog for my teaching/school quips, so that will be around at some point. I've got content, but I haven't thought of a good name. Clearly...the name of this one is too much of a mouthful.

But I digress.

 To bring you (if you know me in the real life, or not) up to speed, I'm 29 and single. I've lived with some boyfriends, thought about/talked about marrying some boyfriends, dated long-distance (across states and even countries), changed life plans for boyfriends, and been more than broken-hearted by boyfriends. If you'd asked me a few years ago, "will you be single at 29?" I'd probably have tentatively said, hopefully not. The jaded part of me says, whatever...FOREVER ALOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNE, all emo-like. However, I've had some major growth in my emotional life and I'm really comfortable with my single-ness, lack-of-being-a-parent-ness, my hot-ness, my wrinkled-and-and-lived-in-skin-ness...you see where I'm going with this. I like me. I like me whether I have a boyfriend, significant other, roll of fat, perfect hair day, terrible hair day, or whatever.

This is important. There's so much research and evidence about teens (boys and girls, but since I'm a chick, I'll stick with that) and depression and low self-esteem and how that leads to dangerous decisions (self-loathing, self-injury, binge-drinking, bad sex choices, etc.) in the future. Basically, your self-image is more or less cemented from childhood on. The fact that I haven't let the media totally pervade my brain and tell me I'm AWFUL for not being super skinny, not having a husband, not being "perfect"...it's a big deal. I've worked toward my happy relationship with my body in the mirror.

Now my relationship with my head and my heart? Those are every day struggles.

So I've been doing the online dating thing. Incidentally, I started it because I have a good friend who met her husband through a particular site, and they are a-dor-a-buuullllll. I also know of many other success stories. I met my 2 more recent relationships via online dating and those guys turned out to be stand-up gents who I'm very happy to have spent significant time with. I'm glad we split up too...because these experiences have led to me being more, well, me.

I've gone out on some pity dates lately and man, they are SAD. This one guy has had a crazy amount of loss in his world and I thought I'd been pretty clear that I wasn't necessarily looking for something physical/romantic...but that guy has called or texted me every day for 2 weeks. I don't want to let him down, and the Suzy Sunshine part of me wants to cheer him up, but dang. That's a lot of work for a therapist to do, and I ain't even got time for my shit.

 I went out with this one dude-- nothing awful about him-- just kinda BORING. I will call him Mr. Boring. Had an MBA, a decent job, a good volunteer thing going on, but that mumfucker wanted to go split-zies on everything. It was pointed out to me that it was a "transactional" view point of dating to insist that the guy pay for stuff before anything physical happened...and I'm not going to start making a menu or anything... (one kiss= 2 dates, making out= fancy dinner and flowers) LOL, but REALLY? I'm smart, I'm hot, I'm funny, I'm entertaining and I suggested fun things for us to do. The least you can do is buy my damn drink. I'm good arm candy, and you, Mr. Boring, are not. Plus, you're boring.

I guess, if we'd gone to THAT restaurant and seen bongo-boobs,  we coulda totally made out, whether or not he'd picked up the check.

I've been messaging and speaking with another guy who we will call Mr. Demanding. He's not bad, again, but just a little on the, oh, let's see, how to put this gently, DEMANDING side. I hadn't met him yet in person and he more-or-less started an argument via text message with me. Derrrp, hold the phones! I don't know you, bruh, don't know if you're worth my time, and you want to tell me what to do with my tone of voice? Nope, you're talking to the wrong muthatruckin' feminist. He had the nerve to say that, "he wasn't expecting that I wouldn't go on dates with other guys or anything..." and I'm assuming that meant-- for the time being-- until I meet you and sweep you off your feet or some shit.

Nope, I do what I want. For realz. I'm a damn grown-ass woman who pays her own bills, owns her own car, has a responsible job, and is a kick-ass doggie-mommy. Of course I'm going to go out with who I want, jack-hole! I don't know you!!

Now, onto a different one...and I'm gonna have to stop because this entry is getting stupid long. My roomate calls him Cutie Patootie, so we shall call him Mr. Cutie-Patootie. We've been on a coffee date, a day-date (it was active and included dinner) and an evening date where we met at one restaurant and drove together to a separate activity. He's been delightful, interesting, interested in conversation, intelligent, handsome, and funny.

No problem, right? Call off the search, send the hounds home! Except...communication doesn't seem to be his thing, though and so it seems that every interaction we've had...I've instigated (that's not the word, but fuck it) with an initial text, call, or email. We also have had NO KISSING. Boo to that. If we go back to the transactional view of dating, what gives? I want to kiss you and I'm the girl. If the boy wants to kiss the girl and she's not ready, it's not cool. If the girl wants to kiss the boy and the boy balks...I don't understand. I haven't been in that position before in my extensive 14 years of dating.

So, Mr. Patootie.

Cutie, If I can call you that...the fish in the sea led me with cupid's stupid arrow to you. Call me and then kiss me, okay??

 Ermagod, if you do get it together and call me, please don't have wings.