[I won't lie-- I had to look up the difference between capital with an a or with an o. Oh grammar, I just can't quit you!]
Lately, I've been trying some alternatives to traditional career moves and I came across a website my friend Redd from college has been actually making a LIVING off of. I have been so proud of her because she's one of the most creative and industrious people I've ever met. A couple of highlights about her...she moved from the UK for college in the US (so brave!), has supported herself working in a career of her dreams (stage management) in Atlanta, then took a huge leap and moved to Las Vegas and worked for Cirque du Soleil! How cool is that? She has written an excellent, relatable food blog that she also published as an e-book cookbook. Now, she's been doing voice over work for a long time and has made her career off of this site called fiverr. Her voice is beautiful and she's technically minded, so she can edit and market herself quite brilliantly. She's my "living her dream" hero!
A few months ago, I started my own fiverr. I'm sticking with stuff I know-- letter and card writing, water-color painting, and homemade natural living products. I'd like to add some editing and other digital services, but for now, that's what's on my plate.
So, if you're interested, please take a look! Feel free to share far and wide, because I'd sure appreciate it.
Remember my post about making natural deodorant? You can buy your very own container of it-- customized with essential oils of your choice. Click HERE for deodorant.
Want to relax and take a break? I've read recently about the effects of magnesium deficiency in our diets from the environment being stripped of certain minerals. Did you know a nightly (or weekly, comeon, ain't-nobody-got-time-for-that) bath in epsom salts can help restore your magnesium levels naturally and safely? Check out my customized bath satchets HERE.
My fiverr gigs also include hand painted water-color cards (or could be on a small, frame-able paper) HERE, post cards from Colorado HERE, and hand written, locally printed (Leanin' Tree Art in Boulder, Colorado) cards HERE. If you know me in real life, you know I send cards and postcards like nobody's business already. ;)
If you're interested in something along those lines from me...please send me a message! I am pretty shamelessly plugging myself here, but maybe you'd be interested in this cool world of five-bucks-a-pop.
Payment note: fiverr.com uses paypal. For some people, that's very easy. For others, it's a new financial system. Until recently (thanks, Trina!) I was not a paypal user. It's safe and easy...and I'm still scared of bitcoin.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, October 17, 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014
What a difference a year makes...
I was having a conversation with one of my few friends out here in the West. I was saying, I've had some odd crystalizing moments with moving-- and most of them have to do with the concept of home, life, and identity. I still refer to Atlanta and Georgia as "home." When people ask where I live, I usually say Grant Park, which they ask, Chicago? But you work in Denver. Then I remember, oh yes, there are other famous Grant Parks out there, not just my beloved one in Atlanta. And technically, I live in Denver. The Denver in Colorado.
* * *
I asked my friend, "Do you ever feel like your life is just displaced? That you're kind of watching it, like a play, and you're disconnected from it, but you don't belong in it?"
He said, "No, I feel like my life's a play, and I'm in the audience and shouting at the people on stage and in the audience to interact with me, but they can't hear me."
That made me think. Is my life a play? I *am* attempting to act the best that I possibly can though.
* * *
As of June 2013, I didn't know what my job was going to be in the fall. For a teacher, this is really frustrating and anxiety-bringing. I was in Grant Park and sharing a ramshackle townhome with the wonderful Tricia, and we were having brunches and trips to the farmer's market and runs/walks in the humidity together. My sister was expecting her baby, my aunt and my mom were recovering well-- my aunt from Guillaun-Barre and my mom from her hysterectomy. My friends and I were solid- brunches, astrology, book club, etc. I was dating a guy, a neighbor, who was from a different country and had a really different culture than mine-- and an accent. (Mmmm, accents!) But a cute guy with an accent is not really enough to stay in a city that doesn't quite feel right.
So I moved. See this post here. The song in my head and on the radio was "Cups: When I'm Gone." There sure have been mountains, rivers, and shivery sites on this journey.
And since last June, my friends and family helped me pack up my life, yard sale stuff, free cycle stuff, move furniture to my mom's house, and get in my '03 Taurus and drive the 1500 miles through Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, and Missouri (the guy with the accent had a very nice friend who treated me to dinner in St. Louis and broke up my trip), then finally to Kansas and Colorado. I'd never driven anywhere that long, and definitely not by myself. Solitude has a new meaning for me out here. Independence too.
So, in a few words, the things that have changed for me over the past year:
1. Friendship- I've been pretty independent here in Denver, and found it hard to make new friends. I have a few. But the friends that are my long-distance friends are closer than ever to my heart. You know who you are.
2. Family- Other people's families have taken me in, in a sense here. A lovely Canadian-American family has me to their home often, and my coworker, who is Peruvian, has shared her children, her sister, her baby niece's Baptism, her parents, and her beautiful kids with me. Seeing family at Christmas and Spring Break-- not seeing my mom and my sister Emily every day or every week-- it's been an adjustment. Not being in the hospital room when my baby sister had her baby-- I never expected that. Another unexpected change in my life is my relationship with my father. I'd talked to my dad exactly 5 times in the previous 7-8 years and I, after soul-searching, and endless conversations with Allyson, Tricia, Marcus, Trina, and Chelsea, attempted to bury the hatchet with my father and tell him about me leaving for Colorado. He's been kindly supportive (with moving) and lots of texts and calls to check in on me. I think he and I both don't know the steps to this adult dad-daughter dance, but we're working on it. And it feels good.
3. Stella- This one gets its own entry-- Stella is no longer a Belgian beer. She's the most perfect, happy, sturdy, beautiful, jabbery, blue-eyed, messy-haired little 6 month old girl who I call my niece. She's a little star- a little gift to everyone she's around. Her parents are lucky to have her and she's lucky to have the best momma and daddy. Get used to all the Colorado presents and shirts, little baby. You're gonna get those and post cards and notes from your Auntie Moto for the rest of my life.
4. Pet companionship- I had to leave my Petey Bella at home with my mom when I left in July. It was heartbreaking for me. When I got back to her in December (I meant for it to be September or October, but it didn't work out), it was the sweetest reunion. She's saved my life and my sanity so many times since her bizarre winter-blizzard drive across the country with me and my friend Dan. I have many entries about her Mast Cell Tumor cancer and her life living with those yucky cells in her here.
5. The West- I adore Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, and the Little House books, so I fancied myself a bit of an urban pioneer, uprooting my life at 30 to come out West. The West is so many things. Rugged (oh, MOUNTAINS!), spacious, friendly, unfriendly, dry, high, open-minded, and simultaneously full of hyper athletes and lazy hippies. Denver drivers can't handle rain (particularly floods), but bulldoze over everyone in snow. Again, the West has meant solitude to me. I'm okay with it-- I'm independent, and I found out just how much independence was in me. And I also found out how much my Southern roots meant to me too. As a friend of Jimmy's (Dave Mitchell) stated well, "There's nothin' like voluntarily exhiling yourself from a place to find out how much of it is in you."
6. Travel- I've traveled 3 times for work-related courses for IB this year. My apartment felt like home for the first time when I returned to it from LA in October. Speaking of-- in L.A., I got to touch the Pacific Ocean and have dinner with Ford (Marcus's brother and big shot academic) and Vicki (Girl Scout leader and friend Devin's mom). It was the first time since August, I'd seen people I KNEW. I felt like a deflated balloon once I left them, because I felt like I was in my own skin once again. In Salt Lake City, I got to see the beautiful
Mormon architecture and spaces, and enjoyed dinner and a night with Annalise's girlfriend Mel. Hospitality DOES exist out here, somewhere! And in November, I got to go to New York (I adore New York) for the second time and I got to see Broadway shows, sightsee, take the subway, stay at a friend's in the Upper West side (thanks Camilla and Larry!) and visit with a friend from the 3-Day, the dear and hilarious and kind (and TALL!) Annie. What a trip. I packed in a backpack too--
for cold and 5 days. I'm a badass. Travel back to Atlanta-- in December- meant I bought a car and brought my pup back to Colorado. Travel for Spring break meant my sweet pup got to stay with my neighbor Danielle while I was gone. Meeting sweet Stella and seeing my friends...oh, the preciousness of those moments.
7. Road travel- Selling my Taurus was bittersweet, but I got the cute little AWD Suzuki because I
wanted something for the snow. My long time BFF Dan drove with me across this great United States. Getting to see the country covered in snow was mind-boggling to him, and was beautiful to me. Staying at a hotel with a big giant bulldog in a sweater, hilarious to see other people. Making that trip on I-70 in winter with a partner...very different than solo in the summer.
8. Work- I learned to value my time, my trainings, my experiences, and my talents so much. I put together great field trips, shows, events, and experiences for my kiddos. I got to have colleagues from all the continents, but Australia. I now have friends from China, Africa, SOuth America, Central America, and Europe. Oh, and I took kids on public transportation, made a fire, painted fingernails and toe nails, taught songs in many languages, taught swimming and ice skating. Yes. Me. Ice skating. It's been an emotional roller coaster of a year, but I've learned a ton from the kids, parents, and teachers. Wow. What a year.
9. Love- Man, I fell in love this year, and I fell hard! I met a couple people to date since July, but none of them were quite right. I love love love love LOVE. And this blue eyed boy who looks out for me, takes pics of me when I'm at races, makes me breakfast, goes on adventures with me, dances with me at concerts (both Arcade Fire and Fray), walks my giant dog (and doesn't care when she gets fur on his couch), listens to me babble incessantly, pushes me out of my comfort zone and expects me to to the same for him, and takes care of me when I injure myself...well. As another Chris in my life likes to say, "He's good people."
10. Sports, Hiking, and Athleticism- Denver is a sports town. There's college and professional baseball, basketball, football, hockey, lacrosse, soccer...why the heck hasn't this place hosted the Olympics?? People are always in athletic gear and I joke that as soon as there's 12 square inches of grass soaked in sunshine, there are shirtless men playing volleyball, dodgeball, soccer, kickball...whatever. Being healthy here is pretty much the norm-- and it's infectious. I've hiked huge and not huge trails in Colorado State Parks, Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado Open spaces, and nature trails.
In July on 2013, I was caught up in the energy at Race Expo for the Peachtree with my best friend Allyson and I signed up for a race in Atlanta in October, not dreaming that I'd live 1500 miles away. Since then, I have run 5ks, 4 Miles, and 10ks, and signed up for several more-- some of which were thwarted by weather, injury, or transportation issues. Nevertheless, I wasn't particularly athletic-- I like swimming, yoga, and jogs with my dog, but running races has inspired something in me. I love to see new courses, go to places I've never been, and feel the energy from running in a group. I plug in those headphones, tune out the world, and tune into my body and feeling my cells the way one feels the wind through leaves of a tree-- on a wholesome and healing level.
I've been to hockey games (peewee and pro), Rockies baseball games, and I had tickets to a Lacrosse (the Outlaws) game, but I tripped down my stairs and was too hurt to go that night. (ugh, injuries and clumsiness!) I played soccer for our field day with my students and colleagues and had a blast. I never thought of myself as an athlete or interested in spectating, but it's been a new side of me. Who knows how many sides we have to our personalities-- I think we're only as limited as we want to be.
* * *
In further contemplation over my friend's statement about shouting at the players and actors, wanting to participate...what can I say, I may not every feel at home here in Denver. I'll always be an outsider who says "y'all" and is confused by architectural differences in buildings here as in the South (swamp coolers, what?). I can say nothing but I'm actively participating in my own life here. I like to think that some of the things I did in my younger years (traveling to Italy, for example), I wouldn't have done, if I'd known JUST how scary they might be...but then again, I'm braver than I ever knew I was. This solitary move out West has proven that to me. The Sara Bareilles song, "Brave" was very popular as I was driving last July, and the words still work for me:
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
So, all this bravery didn't come from nowhere. I've teared up several times writing this, as I think about the love that's held me up and given me faith. I didn't put music in my list, because music is always in me-- it's always in my head and gives my heart strength. Thank you to all the friends who wrote me letters, emails, and cards, facebooked, and visited when I was in town. I'm glad I've gotten to share a bit of my Colorado, my Denver, with Abe, Dan, and Thacker, when they visited. Thanks to all the people who've listened to me work through any and all solitude and conflicts that I've struggled through here. Your "big brave" has made me strong.
I was having a conversation with one of my few friends out here in the West. I was saying, I've had some odd crystalizing moments with moving-- and most of them have to do with the concept of home, life, and identity. I still refer to Atlanta and Georgia as "home." When people ask where I live, I usually say Grant Park, which they ask, Chicago? But you work in Denver. Then I remember, oh yes, there are other famous Grant Parks out there, not just my beloved one in Atlanta. And technically, I live in Denver. The Denver in Colorado.
* * *
I asked my friend, "Do you ever feel like your life is just displaced? That you're kind of watching it, like a play, and you're disconnected from it, but you don't belong in it?"
He said, "No, I feel like my life's a play, and I'm in the audience and shouting at the people on stage and in the audience to interact with me, but they can't hear me."
That made me think. Is my life a play? I *am* attempting to act the best that I possibly can though.
* * *
As of June 2013, I didn't know what my job was going to be in the fall. For a teacher, this is really frustrating and anxiety-bringing. I was in Grant Park and sharing a ramshackle townhome with the wonderful Tricia, and we were having brunches and trips to the farmer's market and runs/walks in the humidity together. My sister was expecting her baby, my aunt and my mom were recovering well-- my aunt from Guillaun-Barre and my mom from her hysterectomy. My friends and I were solid- brunches, astrology, book club, etc. I was dating a guy, a neighbor, who was from a different country and had a really different culture than mine-- and an accent. (Mmmm, accents!) But a cute guy with an accent is not really enough to stay in a city that doesn't quite feel right.
 |
| Allyson and I...friends for over a decade, July 2013 |
 |
| Welcome sign right over the KS border |
And since last June, my friends and family helped me pack up my life, yard sale stuff, free cycle stuff, move furniture to my mom's house, and get in my '03 Taurus and drive the 1500 miles through Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, and Missouri (the guy with the accent had a very nice friend who treated me to dinner in St. Louis and broke up my trip), then finally to Kansas and Colorado. I'd never driven anywhere that long, and definitely not by myself. Solitude has a new meaning for me out here. Independence too.
So, in a few words, the things that have changed for me over the past year:
1. Friendship- I've been pretty independent here in Denver, and found it hard to make new friends. I have a few. But the friends that are my long-distance friends are closer than ever to my heart. You know who you are.
 |
| Sonja and I at Frozen |
 |
| Proud papa James Earl |
 |
| 10 days old |
 |
| Many bandages... |
 |
| Double rainbow in September past the Continental Divide |
 |
| Feb- Indian Springs- 108 degrees but in snow |
 |
| Jan-- A frozen over Echo Lake- and Mt. Evans |
 |
| Love seeing NY this way |
 |
| Rockefeller Square in winter. Ahh. |
6. Travel- I've traveled 3 times for work-related courses for IB this year. My apartment felt like home for the first time when I returned to it from LA in October. Speaking of-- in L.A., I got to touch the Pacific Ocean and have dinner with Ford (Marcus's brother and big shot academic) and Vicki (Girl Scout leader and friend Devin's mom). It was the first time since August, I'd seen people I KNEW. I felt like a deflated balloon once I left them, because I felt like I was in my own skin once again. In Salt Lake City, I got to see the beautiful
 |
| Subway: I own you! |
for cold and 5 days. I'm a badass. Travel back to Atlanta-- in December- meant I bought a car and brought my pup back to Colorado. Travel for Spring break meant my sweet pup got to stay with my neighbor Danielle while I was gone. Meeting sweet Stella and seeing my friends...oh, the preciousness of those moments.
7. Road travel- Selling my Taurus was bittersweet, but I got the cute little AWD Suzuki because I
 |
| Can I drive the next leg, Dan? Sure, Bella. |
8. Work- I learned to value my time, my trainings, my experiences, and my talents so much. I put together great field trips, shows, events, and experiences for my kiddos. I got to have colleagues from all the continents, but Australia. I now have friends from China, Africa, SOuth America, Central America, and Europe. Oh, and I took kids on public transportation, made a fire, painted fingernails and toe nails, taught songs in many languages, taught swimming and ice skating. Yes. Me. Ice skating. It's been an emotional roller coaster of a year, but I've learned a ton from the kids, parents, and teachers. Wow. What a year.
 | |
| Outdoor Art Gallery |
 |
| S'mores at the lock-in- Denisse, Griselda, me, Alphonsine |
 |
| The Sinclair dino in Golden, CO |
 |
| Rainy Red Rocks Ampitheater |
10. Sports, Hiking, and Athleticism- Denver is a sports town. There's college and professional baseball, basketball, football, hockey, lacrosse, soccer...why the heck hasn't this place hosted the Olympics?? People are always in athletic gear and I joke that as soon as there's 12 square inches of grass soaked in sunshine, there are shirtless men playing volleyball, dodgeball, soccer, kickball...whatever. Being healthy here is pretty much the norm-- and it's infectious. I've hiked huge and not huge trails in Colorado State Parks, Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado Open spaces, and nature trails.
 |
| Chilly Cheeks 4M, Cherry Creek State Park- Feb |
 |
| Finishing the Colfax 5k- May |
 |
| Picnic at CC Reservoir, Oct |
 |
| Sparing you the swimming pics- here's ice skating March |
 |
| Walker Ranch Trail and Falls March |
 |
| Shannon and I at the Avs (vs Blackhawks) Feb |
* * *
In further contemplation over my friend's statement about shouting at the players and actors, wanting to participate...what can I say, I may not every feel at home here in Denver. I'll always be an outsider who says "y'all" and is confused by architectural differences in buildings here as in the South (swamp coolers, what?). I can say nothing but I'm actively participating in my own life here. I like to think that some of the things I did in my younger years (traveling to Italy, for example), I wouldn't have done, if I'd known JUST how scary they might be...but then again, I'm braver than I ever knew I was. This solitary move out West has proven that to me. The Sara Bareilles song, "Brave" was very popular as I was driving last July, and the words still work for me:
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
 |
| Clear Creek Park in Golden in Feb. |
Sunday, May 11, 2014
another Mother's Day...
Happy Mother's Day to all the mommas out there. The biological mommas, the doggie-mommas, the surrogate-mommas, the teacher-mommas, Scout leaders, piano teachers, aunts, grandmas, sisters, stepmoms...even dads who acted as moms...you know who you are. I thank you for your listening ears, hugging arms, and words of wisdom. For the mommas we're missing...the ones who have passed on or the mommas who're missing children, my thoughts are with you, too.
I spent (yet another) holiday away from my family this year. When you have a budget-destroying job, and live 1500 miles from the town where you lived for 30 years, you don't get to come home as often as you'd like. Since moving to Colorado in July, I've spent Thanksgiving hiking (in snow!) in the mountains, Easter here (outdoors at Clear Creek park and in the Indian hot springs), and Mother's Day in Estes Park/Rocky Mountain National Park. I've missed my brother, my aunt, and my sister's birthdays, which we usually do together. I guess I keep going to Mother Nature...since I can't be with the other folks I love.
This year, though, I was struck by how much love I've gotten from other places on this journey of leaving behind much to find even more. Through facebook, in particular, I've found so much support in the kind words people have posted or messaged to me. I've received cards and care packages from friends, past coworkers, teachers, and family. I've posted words of frustration, and received words of guidance or strength. I've posted words of triumph, and received words of solidarity and kindness. My dear and wonderful friend Allyson (who is a mom to a Thespian-Three-Year-Old), has been tireless in her texts, cards, and care packages.
This year, my dog had a big, expensive surgery, and I posted a lot here and on fb about it. I received so many words "lifting me up," as we say in the Christian tradition-- helping me stay strong, while I've been alone here out West. Words on email, on my blog, on facebook, in cards. I asked for donations for my school's scholarship auction, and I received gifts and items from my acupuncture studio here in Denver, handmade items from my mom and stepmom, and delicious goods from friends, friends' moms, and my aunt. Way to make a girl feel special...telling me with your words and actions...what YOU, Adrienne, do, matters. We support what you support. It brought tears to my eyes, every time a package arrived for the auction.
So, this year, for Mother's Day, I sent my usual people their cards-- the moms in my life. My mom and grandmothers and aunt have been my foundation for years and years. My sister Emily became a mom and this was her first Mother's Day. I've recently found a loving relationship that's helped me to feel joyous and surrounded by love every minute...so I'm happy. But something came to my attention today, that made me feel so terribly anguished.
A friend, named Lucy, who I have known since I started graduate school at Agnes Scott in 2007, has been experiencing a different type of Mother's day with her mom this year. Agnes Scott musicians are often connected with Ga Tech musicians-- I was fortunate to sing with Luchsingers a capella group for several years, even as an Alum. Lucy and her now spouse were members of the Ga Tech marching band in college and also singers. There were many, many happy concerts, parties, and events where I knew Lucy over the past several years.
If you know music people, or you are a musician, or you sang with a group, you might know that musicians play instruments and sing because they have too much emotion in their hearts to be contained. That energy, that chi, has to be released somewhere. Thank God for organized music. We'd all be a mess! Lucy is a music person...and music people...they're good people. Lucy's had a path...which has included being an avid member of Scouting, attending college out of state, and getting married to her true love.
Although, apparently, Lucy's mom's not too happy with the outcome of her daughter's path. Lucy has been bravely vocal via blogs and sometimes fb posts about her journey to happiness, identity, and love. She has posted her research and connections to other people's experiences in relation to transitioning to a new identity. She's in a stable and successful career, has time to travel and enjoy the relationship she has with her spouse. I can't imagine a mother being angry about this, but poor Lucy's mom...she is. Lucy posted about her mom and the vitriol that she spits in the general direction of her own child. It's heart-breaking.
My heart felt heavy, writing with Lucy today, in contrast to how light it's felt...my life feels like it's going in a good direction. I've fought demons of depression and suicidal thoughts for years, and to think of all the tears my mom shed for me for the struggles I have faced, I always knew she wanted me to be happy and well. It wouldn't have mattered what would have brought be happiness-- my mom would have loved me, no matter the path I was taking. It brings tears to my eyes for a mom to not see the wonderful person her daughter is...and that a daughter who's not like she expected, well, that's what all children are.
We come into the world, squirming, screaming, pooping, and are generally very needy. With any luck, over time, we find a way to be strong, loving, happy, and eager to share our light with others. My hope is that for this one momma (and I naiively think that there are very few like her), that she will see her child's light. That it is strong and good. And what more could a momma want, than her child to be an adult...one who's happy and thriving.
So my wishes today are this...that every child can feel the light and warmth of a mother who loves them. Maybe it's not the one who gave birth to them...maybe it's a person who is there along their path with angel wings to encapsulate and protect them. And for dear Lucy to seek the love of the mommas around her who know her path to be right...and to know, that while her momma hasn't come around this year, there's always next year. Mother's Day is a day, to celebrate the love that we dole out and accept year round. Be strong, friends. Hold each other up. Shine.
I spent (yet another) holiday away from my family this year. When you have a budget-destroying job, and live 1500 miles from the town where you lived for 30 years, you don't get to come home as often as you'd like. Since moving to Colorado in July, I've spent Thanksgiving hiking (in snow!) in the mountains, Easter here (outdoors at Clear Creek park and in the Indian hot springs), and Mother's Day in Estes Park/Rocky Mountain National Park. I've missed my brother, my aunt, and my sister's birthdays, which we usually do together. I guess I keep going to Mother Nature...since I can't be with the other folks I love.
This year, though, I was struck by how much love I've gotten from other places on this journey of leaving behind much to find even more. Through facebook, in particular, I've found so much support in the kind words people have posted or messaged to me. I've received cards and care packages from friends, past coworkers, teachers, and family. I've posted words of frustration, and received words of guidance or strength. I've posted words of triumph, and received words of solidarity and kindness. My dear and wonderful friend Allyson (who is a mom to a Thespian-Three-Year-Old), has been tireless in her texts, cards, and care packages.
This year, my dog had a big, expensive surgery, and I posted a lot here and on fb about it. I received so many words "lifting me up," as we say in the Christian tradition-- helping me stay strong, while I've been alone here out West. Words on email, on my blog, on facebook, in cards. I asked for donations for my school's scholarship auction, and I received gifts and items from my acupuncture studio here in Denver, handmade items from my mom and stepmom, and delicious goods from friends, friends' moms, and my aunt. Way to make a girl feel special...telling me with your words and actions...what YOU, Adrienne, do, matters. We support what you support. It brought tears to my eyes, every time a package arrived for the auction.
So, this year, for Mother's Day, I sent my usual people their cards-- the moms in my life. My mom and grandmothers and aunt have been my foundation for years and years. My sister Emily became a mom and this was her first Mother's Day. I've recently found a loving relationship that's helped me to feel joyous and surrounded by love every minute...so I'm happy. But something came to my attention today, that made me feel so terribly anguished.
A friend, named Lucy, who I have known since I started graduate school at Agnes Scott in 2007, has been experiencing a different type of Mother's day with her mom this year. Agnes Scott musicians are often connected with Ga Tech musicians-- I was fortunate to sing with Luchsingers a capella group for several years, even as an Alum. Lucy and her now spouse were members of the Ga Tech marching band in college and also singers. There were many, many happy concerts, parties, and events where I knew Lucy over the past several years.
If you know music people, or you are a musician, or you sang with a group, you might know that musicians play instruments and sing because they have too much emotion in their hearts to be contained. That energy, that chi, has to be released somewhere. Thank God for organized music. We'd all be a mess! Lucy is a music person...and music people...they're good people. Lucy's had a path...which has included being an avid member of Scouting, attending college out of state, and getting married to her true love.
Although, apparently, Lucy's mom's not too happy with the outcome of her daughter's path. Lucy has been bravely vocal via blogs and sometimes fb posts about her journey to happiness, identity, and love. She has posted her research and connections to other people's experiences in relation to transitioning to a new identity. She's in a stable and successful career, has time to travel and enjoy the relationship she has with her spouse. I can't imagine a mother being angry about this, but poor Lucy's mom...she is. Lucy posted about her mom and the vitriol that she spits in the general direction of her own child. It's heart-breaking.
My heart felt heavy, writing with Lucy today, in contrast to how light it's felt...my life feels like it's going in a good direction. I've fought demons of depression and suicidal thoughts for years, and to think of all the tears my mom shed for me for the struggles I have faced, I always knew she wanted me to be happy and well. It wouldn't have mattered what would have brought be happiness-- my mom would have loved me, no matter the path I was taking. It brings tears to my eyes for a mom to not see the wonderful person her daughter is...and that a daughter who's not like she expected, well, that's what all children are.
We come into the world, squirming, screaming, pooping, and are generally very needy. With any luck, over time, we find a way to be strong, loving, happy, and eager to share our light with others. My hope is that for this one momma (and I naiively think that there are very few like her), that she will see her child's light. That it is strong and good. And what more could a momma want, than her child to be an adult...one who's happy and thriving.
So my wishes today are this...that every child can feel the light and warmth of a mother who loves them. Maybe it's not the one who gave birth to them...maybe it's a person who is there along their path with angel wings to encapsulate and protect them. And for dear Lucy to seek the love of the mommas around her who know her path to be right...and to know, that while her momma hasn't come around this year, there's always next year. Mother's Day is a day, to celebrate the love that we dole out and accept year round. Be strong, friends. Hold each other up. Shine.
Friday, February 22, 2008
if music be the food of love...
So, I've been blogging at a couple different locations-- a covert school blog and a required journal for school...and writing lessons and units (haha, units)...so I've been neglecting this one lately. Honestly, I've been writing...some for me, actually!-- but on paper.
So anyway, here are my thoughts for the moment:
Grandpa Bill-- I got to talk to my Grandpa earlier this week and he's recovering from a really terrible car accident that happened 3 months ago. I'm so pleased with his progress-= he's been going to rehab and PT and getting better. THere's so much tension in Mark's side of the family-- it's hard to communicate and interact. I didn't know how he would do-- in a space of 6 months, Grandpa went from being the sole caretaker of Grandma Marilyn, to losing her, feeling liek he had no purpose without her/looking for what to do with his time, to needing constant care himself. It's been so much change-- but he seems to be emerging pretty well.
Student Teaching-- So, student teaching is going. There are ups and downs-- generally, I like my kids, hate my school, like my lessons, hate my unit, -- that kind of ups and downs. There have been some really cool exchanges-- moments-- between me and the kids-- they are learning a lot of stuff and I noticed today as I was leaving that several of them waved to me at dismissal-- a sure sign that they are not hating me too much-- they are willing to acknowledge me in front of their friends. I have a class of mostly boys and there are a couple of girls in there who are really protective of me-- if they are worried that I didn't understand a slang word-- they ask me if I got it-- if the boys are too off task, they fuss at them like mother hens. It's really cute and I appreciate them a lot. THat class also has the boys who talk about my ass on a daily (well, I'll be honest, I have only heard about it once this week, so maybe the novelty it tapering off) basis. It makes me laugh...that's all I can say. The 9th graders were REALLY good for my big observation on v-day-- so I owe them cupcakes big time.
babies-- So, a lot of people are having baby boys lately!! Carol and Dave had Will-- but he got jaundice and a terrible infection right away-- spent the first 10 days of his life in the Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. He's getting better-- and Carol's doing great. I'm so glad Dave and Carol have each otehr-- after visiting them this summer, I was in love with love for them. Bonner and Spence had little Danny-- he seems to be perfect. I'm glad they are parents-- if I was younger, I'd want Spence to be my dad!! Shel's brother and sister-in-law had Bailey-- and in the pics, he's screaming his head off, but the first pic with Lata (the new Grandma), he's calm and serene. Happy Gramma, happy baby. Welcome to earth, babies Will, Danny, Bailey-- the winters are cold and the summers are hot...
Christy and Maddie-- These fine ladies, what can I say...we are partners-in-crime in this crazy masters program-- and I'm soooooo thankful they are not insane and here. I don't know what I would do without them!!! Christy and Maddie are such good teachers and have such strengths as people-- Christy is so together and calm and such a chill mom and so supportive-- I wouldn';t make it without my text messages during my observations-- and millions of phone messages!! Maddie is so awesome with going out and us talking abotu teaching and England and boys and schools and the world for hours. It's soooo cheesy, but on the karmic sense, I feel so overpaid with the kindness from these people.
moon-- So there was the lunar eclipse on Wednesday night--and it was wonderful. I noticed tons of girls on the quad watching it after Luchsingers-- it was not orange yet, just really bright on the corner and changing. Later, I went home and it was ruddy orange-- the stars were dim around it. I feel so recharged after spending quality time with the moon and stars...I need to check out the observatory sometime!! I spoke with Janet on Thur morning and we laughed-- she said, did you do the moon dance? I giggled, yes-- I put a blanket outside and watched it for a while, Petey Belle did NOT know what was the matter with me-- then she said, did you show the moon your breasts? It's important to moon bathe!!
Dan-- Dan the man is awesome. He hates that title-- but, lemme say, he always comes through. My oven pilot was off and I couldn't figure it out--Dan fixed it. He's awesome. I've got a lesson that needs filming coming up-- he's going to do it for me, again, because he's awesome. Oh, and I got my season pass in the mail to six flags-- I think it must be renewed...because upside-down time with Dan is goodtimes!
gng-- This company SUCKSSSSSSSSS. I've gotten 4 (and counting) service fees from them because of clerical errors on their parts. Here's the fun part-- they were charging gas on the wrong house (since Puppy's and mine are confusing)-- and they will only refund half the fees. THey suck and I hate them. I like hot water and heat and all, but I hate that this is the means to that end. Bleeecccch, gng. You don't even get capital letters.
arleen-- So there's this amazing-- been through hell and back lady-- a senior citizen, if you will, who works at the art shop with me. She's hilarious and uncensored and says whatever she wants-- and I'm so lucky to be able to be around her. She's a hell raiser-- and I want to be just like her when I'm her age. She's also very protective of me-- which I've noticed, as a trait, I really value in people. :)
shakespeare --Romeo and Juliet is just about done--we saw the Georgia Shakespeare version (I wrote on LJ about it) and have been watching hte films. Othello is starting up and they are LOVING the raunchy opening-- I'm getting a kick out of teaching it. Let me just say, in a completely gushy way, I LOVE Shakespeare!!! Everything is so present in our lives today! So many of the themes and even scenes (strangely) parallel stuff that I see all the time. I use that as my advocation for a more vocational track in younger schools-- that kids don't need to read Shakespeare in order to live a fulfilling life and have a job successfully-- but, you know, maybe they do?? The themes course through the blood of the veins of life-- you can't breathe without using the phrases, the ideas, the language-- I'm in awe. Bard, man, you rock.
Sarah and KT-- Okay, these chicas are my love-doctors. They listen to me babble about boys and have advice, stories to share. Katy and Sarah, you rock really hard. I can't believe I can talk so much about this, and you have amazing ears for being able to stand it. Plus, you are both gorgeous on the inside and out. Well, I haven't seen your insides, but I'd imagine you have some pretty awesome-looking cells going on.
internet support-- So, I love the internet. THat sounds like something a cyber-oriented Kindergartner would say, but I do. I think Facebook is awesome because all these nice people send me happy messages and free gifts and eggs and stuff and it makes me happy. Thank you internet, for being awesome...and thank you friend for texting, iming, emailing, etc. etc. with awesomeness that makes me happy. :)
music-- Courtney has this obnoxiously infectious song on her itunes..."Music is my boyfriend, music is my girlfriend..." and so on. Man, I love me some music. I had no idea how much not having a regular source of good music-- from making it and getting it-- through itunes, Luchsingers, chorale...singing in the car (which I couldn't do when my car was dead)-- how music keeps me centered and whole. I loveeeeeessss me some music! So, if music can be my lover...I will be the pantheist girlfriend of music. haha, I guess Shakespeare said it better, "if music be the food of love, play on."
That's gonna wrap it up for me. Tune in next week...while I play it by ear...hardee, har har.
So anyway, here are my thoughts for the moment:
Grandpa Bill-- I got to talk to my Grandpa earlier this week and he's recovering from a really terrible car accident that happened 3 months ago. I'm so pleased with his progress-= he's been going to rehab and PT and getting better. THere's so much tension in Mark's side of the family-- it's hard to communicate and interact. I didn't know how he would do-- in a space of 6 months, Grandpa went from being the sole caretaker of Grandma Marilyn, to losing her, feeling liek he had no purpose without her/looking for what to do with his time, to needing constant care himself. It's been so much change-- but he seems to be emerging pretty well.
Student Teaching-- So, student teaching is going. There are ups and downs-- generally, I like my kids, hate my school, like my lessons, hate my unit, -- that kind of ups and downs. There have been some really cool exchanges-- moments-- between me and the kids-- they are learning a lot of stuff and I noticed today as I was leaving that several of them waved to me at dismissal-- a sure sign that they are not hating me too much-- they are willing to acknowledge me in front of their friends. I have a class of mostly boys and there are a couple of girls in there who are really protective of me-- if they are worried that I didn't understand a slang word-- they ask me if I got it-- if the boys are too off task, they fuss at them like mother hens. It's really cute and I appreciate them a lot. THat class also has the boys who talk about my ass on a daily (well, I'll be honest, I have only heard about it once this week, so maybe the novelty it tapering off) basis. It makes me laugh...that's all I can say. The 9th graders were REALLY good for my big observation on v-day-- so I owe them cupcakes big time.
babies-- So, a lot of people are having baby boys lately!! Carol and Dave had Will-- but he got jaundice and a terrible infection right away-- spent the first 10 days of his life in the Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. He's getting better-- and Carol's doing great. I'm so glad Dave and Carol have each otehr-- after visiting them this summer, I was in love with love for them. Bonner and Spence had little Danny-- he seems to be perfect. I'm glad they are parents-- if I was younger, I'd want Spence to be my dad!! Shel's brother and sister-in-law had Bailey-- and in the pics, he's screaming his head off, but the first pic with Lata (the new Grandma), he's calm and serene. Happy Gramma, happy baby. Welcome to earth, babies Will, Danny, Bailey-- the winters are cold and the summers are hot...
Christy and Maddie-- These fine ladies, what can I say...we are partners-in-crime in this crazy masters program-- and I'm soooooo thankful they are not insane and here. I don't know what I would do without them!!! Christy and Maddie are such good teachers and have such strengths as people-- Christy is so together and calm and such a chill mom and so supportive-- I wouldn';t make it without my text messages during my observations-- and millions of phone messages!! Maddie is so awesome with going out and us talking abotu teaching and England and boys and schools and the world for hours. It's soooo cheesy, but on the karmic sense, I feel so overpaid with the kindness from these people.
moon-- So there was the lunar eclipse on Wednesday night--and it was wonderful. I noticed tons of girls on the quad watching it after Luchsingers-- it was not orange yet, just really bright on the corner and changing. Later, I went home and it was ruddy orange-- the stars were dim around it. I feel so recharged after spending quality time with the moon and stars...I need to check out the observatory sometime!! I spoke with Janet on Thur morning and we laughed-- she said, did you do the moon dance? I giggled, yes-- I put a blanket outside and watched it for a while, Petey Belle did NOT know what was the matter with me-- then she said, did you show the moon your breasts? It's important to moon bathe!!
Dan-- Dan the man is awesome. He hates that title-- but, lemme say, he always comes through. My oven pilot was off and I couldn't figure it out--Dan fixed it. He's awesome. I've got a lesson that needs filming coming up-- he's going to do it for me, again, because he's awesome. Oh, and I got my season pass in the mail to six flags-- I think it must be renewed...because upside-down time with Dan is goodtimes!
gng-- This company SUCKSSSSSSSSS. I've gotten 4 (and counting) service fees from them because of clerical errors on their parts. Here's the fun part-- they were charging gas on the wrong house (since Puppy's and mine are confusing)-- and they will only refund half the fees. THey suck and I hate them. I like hot water and heat and all, but I hate that this is the means to that end. Bleeecccch, gng. You don't even get capital letters.
arleen-- So there's this amazing-- been through hell and back lady-- a senior citizen, if you will, who works at the art shop with me. She's hilarious and uncensored and says whatever she wants-- and I'm so lucky to be able to be around her. She's a hell raiser-- and I want to be just like her when I'm her age. She's also very protective of me-- which I've noticed, as a trait, I really value in people. :)
shakespeare --Romeo and Juliet is just about done--we saw the Georgia Shakespeare version (I wrote on LJ about it) and have been watching hte films. Othello is starting up and they are LOVING the raunchy opening-- I'm getting a kick out of teaching it. Let me just say, in a completely gushy way, I LOVE Shakespeare!!! Everything is so present in our lives today! So many of the themes and even scenes (strangely) parallel stuff that I see all the time. I use that as my advocation for a more vocational track in younger schools-- that kids don't need to read Shakespeare in order to live a fulfilling life and have a job successfully-- but, you know, maybe they do?? The themes course through the blood of the veins of life-- you can't breathe without using the phrases, the ideas, the language-- I'm in awe. Bard, man, you rock.
Sarah and KT-- Okay, these chicas are my love-doctors. They listen to me babble about boys and have advice, stories to share. Katy and Sarah, you rock really hard. I can't believe I can talk so much about this, and you have amazing ears for being able to stand it. Plus, you are both gorgeous on the inside and out. Well, I haven't seen your insides, but I'd imagine you have some pretty awesome-looking cells going on.
internet support-- So, I love the internet. THat sounds like something a cyber-oriented Kindergartner would say, but I do. I think Facebook is awesome because all these nice people send me happy messages and free gifts and eggs and stuff and it makes me happy. Thank you internet, for being awesome...and thank you friend for texting, iming, emailing, etc. etc. with awesomeness that makes me happy. :)
music-- Courtney has this obnoxiously infectious song on her itunes..."Music is my boyfriend, music is my girlfriend..." and so on. Man, I love me some music. I had no idea how much not having a regular source of good music-- from making it and getting it-- through itunes, Luchsingers, chorale...singing in the car (which I couldn't do when my car was dead)-- how music keeps me centered and whole. I loveeeeeessss me some music! So, if music can be my lover...I will be the pantheist girlfriend of music. haha, I guess Shakespeare said it better, "if music be the food of love, play on."
That's gonna wrap it up for me. Tune in next week...while I play it by ear...hardee, har har.
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